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Chihuahuas Get a Solid ‘YES’ From Paula Abdul
She may not be able to put up with Simon Cowell and his sharp-tongued criticisms on American Idol, but Paula Abdul can’t get enough of her three Chihuahuas- Thumbelina, Tulip and Tinkerbell. There’s no doubt that if there were an American Canine Idol ...
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Old Soul Violinist – Maxim at the San Francisco Symphony
Old Soul Violinist – Maxim at the San Francisco SymphonyRead Jetsetters Magazine at www.jetsettersmagazine.comTo read this entire feature FREE with photos cut and paste this ...
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Bomb Shelters, Books and Eggs. These Are a Few of My Favorite Things. By: Noelle Franzen
?He won?t stop making eggs!? Cara said. ?He will when we run out of eggs,? I said. ?But I?m sick of watching him make eggs.? ?I know, but what the hell are we supposed to do about it?? ?We could tell him it smells like eggs in here.? ?That won?t work. He likes the smell.? ?Well that?s just fantastic, isn?t it?? ?What if we read aloud to him? That usually gets him to sit down for a while.? ?So pick a book.? ?We?re almost out. We have to send for more books soon.? ?We have Sentimental Education.? ?That?ll work. Maybe it?ll put him to sleep.? ?How the hell does he eat all those eggs?? ?Beats me.? ?That was funny.? ?I know.?
?
?Who are you?? asked Cara. ?What the hell do you mean, ?who are you??? I said. ?I?m Noelle, we went to college together, remember?? ?Oh yeah. Must be the eggs.? ?Or the military.? ?Could be. I still don?t understand why we have to live in a bomb shelter.? ?Beats me.? ?Like the eggs.? ?Yep.? ?
?Did you hear from your mom yet?? I asked. ?No,? said Cara. ?Well why the hell not?? ?I?m only allowed one letter a week you know.? ?That still doesn?t explain the retired English professor who makes eggs all day long.? ?I know. My clothes are starting to smell.? ?I read War and Peace yesterday.? ?All of it in one day?? ?Yep.? ?Wow.? ?I know. Pretty good book, too.? ?You should read Wuthering Heights.? ?Nah. Not a big fan of the Brontes.? ?They were allergic to eggs.? ?Maybe I?ll read it tomorrow.? ?
?Okay, this has got to stop! Where is he getting the eggs?? screamed Cara. ?Beats me,? I said. ?Okay, that?s not funny anymore.? ?Yeah, well, neither is reading Vanity Fair for the sixth time this month.? ?Why the hell is this couch so ugly?? ?I don?t know. I don?t really think the military?s first concern is with fashion.? ?Look smartass?.? ?Hey, wait. I?m just trying to lighten the mood here. It?s not my fault Professor Egg over there puts you in a bad mood.? ?They gave him bacon, you know.? ?WHAT?? ?Yeah, like a hundred pounds of it.? ?Why?? ?Beats me.? ?You told me that wasn?t
funny anymore.? ?Yeah. When you say it.? ?Oh.? ?
?Do you think you would have gone on a date with Shakespeare?? asked Cara. ?Yeah, probably. Why?? I responded. ?Just wondering.? ?I think Shakespeare was sexy.? ?How can you think Shakespeare is sexy?? ?Hey, you started this. I?m just making conversation.? ?Okay, fine. Why do you think he was sexy?? ?Holy crap. Look at the man?s vocabulary. You know I?m attracted to really intelligent men. And older too.? ?Shakespeare?s dead.? ?I know, I?m saying older in the sense that if I lived during Shakespeare?s time and he was older than I was, I would want to date him.? ?Really?? ?Yeah. Haven?t you ever had any literary crushes?? ?Maybe?.? ?Well, who then?? ?Don?t laugh, okay?? ?Okay, I won?t.? ?Queequeg.? ?From Moby Dick?? ?Yeah.? ?Why?? ?I don?t know. He was big and strong. I don?t know! There?s no harm in it. Kind of like having a crush on Mr. Rogers is okay, because he?s not real.? ?Mr. Rogers was real.? ?You know what I mean.? ?Oh, you can do better than that. What about professors?? ?Professors?let?s see.? ?Well for sure not Captain Oeuf over there. Even if he had been good looking EVER, he would still bug me.? ?Yeah, I know what you mean. Bad habits.? ?Yeah. So lets have it. Crushes in college.? ?There was one.? ?Who?? ?Remember World Lit?? ?Yeah?the hunky navy man.? ?Yeah.? ?Now, there was a sexy man.? ?Completely.? ?Wonder if Shakespeare really had that pointy little beard?? ?Don?t know.? ?I would still date him.? ?
?Hey, we just got new books,? said Cara. ?Oh good. I was starting to get bored with Dickens.? ?Which one?? ?All of them.? ?Oh, this is good. We?ve got some Hemingway, some Capote. A little Mark Twain.? ?All my favorites.? ?Yeah, and some Dickinson too.? ?As in Emily?? ?Uh-huh.? ?Oh Lord, no.? ?Not a fan?? ?Not in the least.? ?Why not?? ?She belonged in a white room with padded walls, that?s why not.? ? ?I felt a funeral?.?? ?Stop.? ?You hate it that much, huh?? ?Almost as much as I hate eggs now.? ?Well then.? ?I?m gonna go read a book.? ?Beats eggs.? ?Yep.?
About the Author
Noelle is a senior at Concordia University in Irvine, CA, majoring in English. She hopes to find work writing satirical/politically themed articles for magazines after graduation. If that doesn't happen...well, she'll just be a struggling writer living on saltines and jugs of water.
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